My Cousin Makes Me Laugh

A little known fact.... The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important. HUH? Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph… Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ralph. 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.' Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell..... 'Ralph! Wake up! You shit the bed!' I could picture this happening to an old man! Ha!

The Economy Is So Bad... CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes. Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Motel Six won't leave the light on. The Mafia is laying off judges. And finally... Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, neat...the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear. Hmmmm!