Friends. What would we do without them.

Ah yes, today I write about friends. A friend will always be there for you.


A friend doesn't care what you look like.

Friends make you laugh.



Friends mean everything.


AR&T love you.
My best friend died recently of brain cancer and my heart broke. All I have now is memories and thoughts of what might be, that never will.
She was proud. I wonder if it had to do with her Indian heritage. She was strong and she was weak too. Gosh I miss her.

Peggy and me. But I have made a lot of friends through writing. Publishing a book gave me so much more than a book. It gave me a new outlook on life. Because now I have so many new friends my heart is overwhelmed. And I thank the powers that are every day for this new gift. Love you guys. Each and every one of you.

Laugh and You'll Write Better!

So are you ready for a little chuckle. A touch of humor?


So how is your sense of humor?

THE
> OLD MOTOR
> The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the
> town.
>
> After being married a year, the couple went to the
> hospital for the birth
> of their first child.
>
> The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to
> congratulate the old
> gentleman and said,
>
> 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
>
> The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old
> motor running.'
>
> The following year, the couple returned to the
> hospital for the birth of
> their second child.
>
> The same nurse was attending the delivery
> and again went out to
> congratulate the old gentleman.
>
> She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage
> it?'
>
> The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old
> motor running.'
>
> A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the
> birth of their third
> child.
>
> The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the
> delivery, she once
> again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,
> 'Well, you surely are
> something awesome! How do you do it?'
>
> The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you
> before, you gotta keep the old
> motor running.'
>
> The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
> Well, I guess it's
> time to change the oil. This one is black!'


One last thought, take it to the bank.

One for each of you who comments! Choose by first in line.

This is why God made editors!

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-g ood-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren 't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
************* ***************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

WITCHYS WIKKED GRAPHIX

A little more laughter and good vibes!

Prayer for my daddy

"Dear God. This year for Christmas, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer, Amen."

This is one of the most interesting signs I have been informed about.

Sign in an INDIANA
store front window:

We WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000

AL
QAEDA TERRORISTS,

Than WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER!'

READ ON DON'T QUIT.

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Whiting, Indiana.
You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory
statement.
However, we are a society which holds freedom of Speech as perhaps our
greatest liberty.
And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.

Answer:

Owen's Funeral Home

You
gotta love it!!!

Have a good one everyone, I will be back on July 1st, enjoy life and stay safe!

More from my cousin, he's a riot!

Importance of Walking

1/ Walking 20 minutes can add to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

2/ My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60..
Now he's 97 years old...
and we haven't a clue where the hell he is.

3/ I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

4/ The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

5/ I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

6/ I=2
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
....apparently you have to actually go there.

7/ Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

8/ I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

9/ The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

10/ If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

11/ I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill was enough.

12/ We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our skulls.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

13/ Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave, I look fine

1) My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

2) My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,

"Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

3) Saturday morning I got up early to go fishing, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and tip-toed into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started .....

------------ --------- --------- ---

4) I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed, and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

5) My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny & sleek that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

--------- --------- --------- -----

6) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

--------- --------- -----

7) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

--------- --------- -----

8) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- -----

9) I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

10) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

I Want To Make You Smile! I don't care if you dance as long as you're laughing

Junior always wears a smile, my doggy, he's so cool! Below are some amusing comments, I hope you laugh!


Now mind you this came from a male cousin and just goes to prove that men still...do not get it!!!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry


By all means marry.. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud


Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison


'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH.......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

This came from the same cousin, after I told him what a dope he is!

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room=2 0and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Proofreading, a dead art

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really? Ya think?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

---------------------------------------- -----------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
------------------------------------------------
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is.....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

***************************************************



Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

More laughs!!

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book.. It's called ........ 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary.. 3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. 8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 9 My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.' 11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex. 12. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way. Getting a hairdryer through customs... A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' 'Of course, child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

So Much Fun

Well I gotta tell you, the High Tea was wonderful. The place was full of laughing, talking, and eating women. I was afraid that they might not have enough to eat. But the food was plentiful and it tastes and looked fantastic.

They brought a service tray that had three tiers. After a delicate and tasty soup with tiny bits of chicken, celery, carrots and scallions in a flavorful base. And a crusty warm loaf of bread with butter. On the bottom tier was a warm cranberry orange scone, served with clotted cream, lemon curd and raspberry curd. Yummy. Then the middle tier had plenty of nicely presented finger sandwiches on delicious fresh breads, cut into special shapes. There was tuna, chicken salad, (it had very, very thin slices of apple, and mmmmmm), egg salad, tomato and a cream cheese herb spread, and of course the crisp cucumber sandwich with another tasty spread on it. The tray overflowed with the delicate sandwiches and if you wanted more, all you had to do was ask. The lip smacking said it all. On the top tier was desert; Petit fours, small chocolate brownie type cakes, little coconut soft cookies, the best tiny eclairs and cream puffs, those dainty meringue cookies, and a whole bunch of other things. The desert tray was so full, there was a lot leftover. And tea, whatever kind you wanted, they couldn't bring it out fast enough.

The talking, the laughter, the smiles and spring dresses, the hat,(Joanne, I wish I'd thought of that), and the genuine pleasure on everyone's faces, thrilled me. I felt a great sense of accomplishment and happiness to have pleased so many people. In these times, events like this help us to forget our problems and get away from it all. At our table we had a group pinkie's up toast!

Just having the opportunity to make that many people happy that they came, was worth every minute of worry and all the time it took to arrange it. I am so glad that everyone had a great time. That is the best part of it all for me. Everyone had fun!!
And that, makes me happy.

Make 'em laugh!

An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'. The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is.. A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ... Now give me back my dog. I needed a laugh. How about you. I will let you know how the signing went. Wish me luck!