Rules to Live By

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'. 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 9. Sing Along At The Opera. 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Happy Holidays!

So it's that time of year again. The time when we scrape and charge to buy gifts. We push our way through the crowds at the stores, hoping to find that special gift. That gift that will please the recipient and make all your efforts worthwhile.
So I'm gonna tell you a funny story, and it still makes me laugh till this day.
We all know that there are those relatives through marriage who we are not very close too. I have a sister in law that's like the ice queen.
Anyways, it was Christmas day at my in laws. They were strange people as it was, at least to me. We were discussing the worst gifts that you had ever received. I mentioned how I think that the worst give you could give to a woman is Jean Nate, and a man, old spice. It shows how little you care for them. How you only bought the gift because you had to, buying those cheap perfumes was an insult! My husband agreed with me, and so did most of the room.
Guess what we both opened from the ice queen? Yep! Well I thought it was so funny I couldn't stop laughing. And to this day, I will never forget the look on her face.

Now we'll talk about the opposite kind of gift. When the giver has taken the time to look for that special gift. Or maybe they made you a gift that took time and effort because they couldn't afford to buy something. Well there was this one Christmas that I got a gift I will never forget. My friend was having marital problems and was separated from her husband. She was lucky if she could afford the mortgage. Not a lot of people know my birthday is on Christmas day. But this was my best friend and she would never forget. I told her we shouldn't exchange gifts, neither of us could afford to. But that wouldn't stop her.
She could sing, I mean like really well. It was 12:01am in the morning on Christmas eve, (we lived next door to each other then), and I heard music, soft pretty music, coming in my open window. In Florida we open windows in the winter. So anyways I get up and go to the front door, open it a crack and peak outside. There she was dressed in her nightgown and robe on my front lawn. She was holding a cassette tape recorder from which came my favorite song at the time, Our Prayer. She began to softly sing the words and as the tears came down my face I noticed my other neighbors. One by one the doors opened and people stood there listening. By this time I'm blubbering for all I'm worth. And when she finished and stood there it was quiet for a moment. Then one by one at each door the applause began. There were a few whistles along with the clapping. And she whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas my friend."
Now if that isn't the best present ever, I don't know what is.
Have a great holiday, and may you hear music on your birthday too, just like I did.